Day 26 - Tiredness

Was woken up at 5am by J with stomach pains, he is a drama king, which makes it very hard to know when he is really sick.  He has every medical test known to man, and while he does have a small hiatus hernia, and the doctor told him he needs to exercise and eat healthily (he does neither) I don't think the pain is caused by that but by his appalling diet.  I cook meals from scratch every day, and include lots of fresh vegetables, and there is always fresh fruit and healthy food available but you can lead a horse to water........

Anyway I was tired and E, who had also been woken by the histrionics, was tired, and neither of us do tired well at all.  J of course could sleep all day but the two of us had to get up and go about our daily work, E at school and me in the house so by the end of the day we were both weary and irritable which caused a bit of friction between us.  And the first thought I had was that I wanted a drink.  Old habits, and I talked myself around and through it but this isn't going to anywhere near as easy as I thought it would be now the novelty of it is wearing off and real life is settling back in.

I am also, as the fog clears, going through the events of that Friday night, and the days that followed and I feel a lot of resentment towards the police, one of them in particular, and my son.  I can't help it, it's how I feel and I need to work through that as well.  I am still considering whether I will lodge a formal complaint against Const. Plod as I feel he failed to act on what was a duty of care towards me. 

Someone on the Facebook group for alcoholics that I am on made a comment about figuring out what led us to drinking in the first place and that is something I need to think about.  I'm pretty sure I know, and there isn't a lot I can do about most of what happened in the past, except accept it and move on and do better with what I have and what I know now. 

One thing that has astounded and surprised me, is the number of young, very young, women who have alcohol problems.  It is sad and very worrying.  But I wish I had gotten a handle on this when I was in my 20s before it did so much damage to my life, and the lives of the people who love me and depended on me.