Strange

I got woken up by the cats scratching at my bedroom door, normally they sleep out in the family room at night but someone let them into the hallway.  I lay there awake, feeling crook with this cold I am fighting and for some reason thought of the wine that is in the garage.  E took it out there rather than throw it away as Husband likes a glass of red and I use the white in cooking.  I imagined myself going out there (in the cold and rain) opening up the garage door and disturbing the dog who sleeps out there in his kennel, and getting a bottle of the red.  I imagined pouring a glass and drinking it, thinking it would help me go back to sleep and ease my scratchy throat and cough.  What the fuck?  I have had zero interest in drinking for nearly three weeks.  I eventually went back to sleep and woke up feeling okay, yet a bit tired, this morning.  I am going to tell E about it and get her to throw it all away.  I had a half a bottle of the red in the kitchen after using some of it in a pasta sauce, and asked Josh to take it away as I didn't want to look at it.  He has it in his room so will get him to throw that away as well.  I didn't think I would be tempted, and I am surprised that I was but it is what it is, and alcoholism seems to have a mind and life of its own.  If there is no booze on the premises it will make it a LOT harder for me to relapse as I will have to buy it in this small town and risk being seen and found out.  Not that I think I would do that, but I also didn't think I would lie awake imagining myself drinking again at 3.30am!

I am slowly getting this house in order after so long of neglecting it.  I cleaned out the kitchen fridge and the pantry yesterday, and threw away bags of out of date food.  I want to slowly go through the house, drawers, cupboards, everything and get it ship shape. I feel so much better when things are neat and tidy and the house is running smoothly.

My itchiness is subsiding and the headaches aren't so frequent.  I am using pain killers, probably too much, but it's better than drinking and I will cut back on those as I feel better.  Not eating quite so much either and being mindful of what I am putting into my body. 

It's raining here, great for the farmers as it came just at the right time for the crops, but it's making getting washing dry a bit difficult but I will manage.  I can't believe how much energy I have and how excited I am about being able to do all the things I have been putting off while in a drunken state for so long.  (I think I need to get out more).